“The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son on Life, Love, and Loss”

If I could wave my magic wand and pick a new friend directly from the air, it would be Anderson Cooper. I have never met him but I know he is fabulous and I would love to have him over to my apartment to eat grilled salmon and drinks lots of wine. He was born into a legendary American family, went to Dalton and then Princeton, struggled with dyslexia and later served as an intern for the CIA before becoming one of the most dashing broadcasting personalities ever. One of the things I like best about Anderson is that I know he is a practical person, and not a zany person. His mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, is, on the other hand, is a little zany and whimsical. The artist, author, actress, socialite and heiress floats from decade to decade on a timeless cloud. She is the fairy queen to his devoted foot soldier and together they have written a lovely book about their intertwined lives. They hoped the book would bring them closer together, and bring in the reader too, and “The Rainbow Comes and Goes” does just that. Together they have suffered some painful tragedy (the loss of a father/husband during heart surgery and then the loss of a brother/son to suicide) but throughout their lives they have supported and protected each other in an effort to stay afloat. In the early days of their shared grief, all they could do was go to the movies and eat popcorn together. That was enough. You can tell from this book that they are very different people: Anderson clearly liked to clean drawers and Gloria clearly likes to fill those drawers with all sorts of crazy odds and ends. But together they make their mother-son relationship work in the way that all families do, through patience, forgiveness and sincere appreciation for one and other. Since it is unlikely that Anderson will ever come to my apartment, I will just have to live vicariously through “The Rainbow Comes and goes,” and the wonderful tale within its pages. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“The Man Who Couldn’t Stop: OCD And The True Story Of A Life Lost” in Thought by David Adam

Many people have asked me when I knew I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and the truth is I can’t remember when it started, but I remember the moment I had to try to make it go away. I was performing the ritual of getting my twin girls ready for school, and they were in Kindergarten then, each six years old.  I would load up their backpacks, and as we started to leave the kitchen, I would say in my cheery voice, “Ok. Let’s all check the stove and make sure the burners are off.” The girls joined in and we would all repeat, “Straight up. Straight up. Straight up,” as we reviewed each burner knob. One morning, my then-husband Bill entered the kitchen and caught us chanting to the burners. He looked right at me and said, “You need to cut that out or you are going to drive the girls crazy.” It felt like a slap. He had never said much truer words than that. So I knew at the moment I had to start addressing my OCD. I compulsively raced to talk therapy, but it took me years to realize that talk therapy does little to help or resolve OCD. This book, “The Man Who Couldn’t Stop,” addresses many of the mysteries, concerns, debates and dilemmas of OCD. The author, who has struggled with OCD most of his life, states the facts clearly: no amount of therapy or prescription medication is going to “cure” OCD, but the right combination of both might help you manage it. Adam’s OCD manifested itself through a fear of contamination, specifically AIDS and HIV. He used to call the National AIDS Helpline so many times each day that the staff began to recognize his voice. After hiding his compulsions for many years, he sought help when his fear of infection began to involve his daughter. He embarked on a successful treatment plan that included an antidepressant, group therapy and cognitive behavior therapy. Those with OCD will enjoy reading this book because it will make you feel like you are not alone. Those without OCD might also find the Adam’s tale interesting   because it includes many quirky stories, such as a man who used 18 linen napkins each night to clean his cutlery. Last year I joined a free support group for people with OCD in San Francisco. Members of the group share their OCD stories once a month as well as their coping strategies. They talk about the stress it brings into the relationships -- with their children, partners and co-workers. People with OCD have good days and bad days, and days that are in between. Sometimes just the fact that you can get up, get dressed, leave your house and go to work without driving back around to check if the garage door is closed, makes it a good day. Sometimes that is all you need to be happy. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“Angel Catcher for Kids:" A Journal To Help You Remember The Person Who Died by Amy Eldon

This weekend I’m coordinating a grief camp in the Sonoma Redwoods called Camp Erin. We will have 55 kids between the ages of 6-16 who have lost a loved one, most a mother or father. I have learned a lot about grief since I was hired for this job six months ago. I have learned that children process grief in a different way than adults, and they deserve special support and attention to help them heal. This is one of the books we use at our Camp Erin for the youngest participants. Angel Catcher for Kids is a journal that invites the reader to record memories of the special person who died. I love journaling, and have always kept a diary since elementary school. So while designed for kids, this lovely book appeals to me as well. I was also thinking of getting it for my young nieces and nephews who are dealing with the loss of their grandpa, my dad. If you know a child who is dealing with grief, or are struggling with a recent loss yourself, The Angel Catcher might provide a creative way to express your sadness while enjoying rich memories.  To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

"Bird By Bird Some Instructions on Writing and Life" by Anne Lamott

I’m getting married tomorrow. I buried my dad two weeks ago. I’m coordinating a three-day grief camp for kids ages 6-17 who have lost a parent next weekend in the Sonoma Redwoods. My dad would call this plot “bad writing.” He would order a re-write and say, “lighten it up. Too sad.” What should I do, cry? I did that. Drink lots of Chardonnay? I do that, too. Throw a pity party and invite myself? Done. We can’t re-write our stories. We just have to get through them. When I was going through the darkest days of my divorce my dad gave me a little pewter door that said on it, “If you’re going through hell, keep going,” by Winston Churchill. And I did keep going. I found an apartment, I bought new sheets and I marched right into a bank and opened a new bank account for the first time in nearly 20 years. Anne Lamott’s book “Bird By Bird” looks at first glance to be a book about writing, but it is more than that: It is a book about how life throws you curves all the time. The point is how you manage it without going crazy. In this book she tells the story about how her 10-year-old brother had three months to write a book report on birds, but waited until the night before it was due to start it. Surrounded by bird books at the family kitchen table, the boy was overwhelmed with fear. His dad sat down next to him and said, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.” This phrase brings me great comfort now as I face the years ahead without my dad. To celebrate tomorrow and marry the man I hope to spend the next 30 years with brings me nothing but joy and happiness.  I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to feel like I’m the luckiest girl because I am. A great dad. A meaningful job. And now a wonderful husband.  I’m through the door. To buy this book on Amazon please click here.

"Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls" by David Sedaris

One of Jeff’s favorite movies is “Taken” starring Liam Neeson. If they ever go to make “Taken 4” and Neeson is not available I have no doubt that Jeff could easily jump into the role and have the dialogue down pat. (“Die Hard” movies are like this, too.) I, however, never watch a movie twice or read a book twice. With so many choices in the universe, why re-watch movies or re-read books? I make only one exception: David Sedaris. Recently I re-read his book “Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls.” It has gotten to the point where I can’t listen to the books of Sedaris on CD in my car any more because I laugh so hard I risk being pulled over by a cop for reckless driving. David’s wit shines brightly on every page, especially when he is talking about his family and childhood. One of the funniest sections in this book is about his father’s obsession that David get a colonoscopy. When he finally agrees to get it done, the results are hysterical. Another terrific section describes how one day David lost not only his laptop but also his United Kingdom “indefinite leave to remain card.” His imitation of a Customs official is laugh-out-loud funny. This from a man who once offered priority book signing to smokers, “the reason being they didn’t have long to live, and their time was more valuable.” If you are a Sedaris fan, you might consider re-reading this book. If you have never read any Sedaris, start today and read this book and then march right on to “Me Talk Pretty One Day.” When you are done with those two, read all of his others. His books are just hands-down clever from beginning to end. And in this crazy world, we need humor most of all. To order this book on Amazon click here.

“Wake Me When It’s Funny” and “My Happy Days in Hollywood” by Garry Marshall

Sadly, my dad died earlier this week at the age of 81. Coincidentally when we finished the press release, I looked at the clock and it read 8:15 pm on a Tuesday night. This 8pm hour was his favorite television time slot. It was where “Happy Days” and “Laverne & Shirley” found their home and fame for almost a decade. This was not an accident. It was deliberate endearment and a clear sign, as was everything with my dad. He was obvious and transparent. There was nothing confusing about him. He loved us. We loved him. He held standards which we forever hope to meet and pass to his grandchildren. We will miss him forever. And we will be ok. We, his family, knew that because we “walked” with him. Regularly on these walks he told us about his hopes, dreams, thoughts and prayers. Every day he marked the great days in his calendar with a “W” for “Win.” He made us write his notes down on paper. “Nothing is the end of the world.” “Family is important.” “Learn to use a typewriter, and a cash register, and speak in public.” “Never order any fish on a menu when it says market price.” It was easiest to connect with my dad when you were working on one of his projects. I wrote two autobiographies with him, “Wake Me When It’s Funny” and later “My Happy Days in Hollywood.” The best part of writing books with “Pop” was going on press tours with “Garry.” To watch him do radios broadcasts, morning shows, and late night television was to witness a master of the interview and stand-up comedy routine. He was engaging. He was charming. He was witty and he was at the top of his game when he was in front of a microphone and an audience. His personal motto was “Life Is more important than show business.” However, that phrase has secret meaning: He was saying attack life at full tilt, each and every day, at work and at home, and you will have a show-biz worthy life. He certainly had a great life for all of his 81 years. And we are so grateful to have had him with us for so long. I love you, Daddy, and I’m getting married. We will miss you but never forget you! We’re good! Please enjoy his legacy. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

"The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah

If I were stuck alone on a desert island with 10 books, you could bet that they would all be biographies or autobiographies, but definitely all non-fiction books. So I am trying to force myself to read more fiction in order to challenge my own reading habits. When I started writing my Library Party at the beginning of this year, two people immediately suggested this book. Although, I took my time, fussing over my beloved biographies. Then, I finally downloaded Kristin Hannah’s “The Nightingale” onto my phone so I could listen to it in my car on the way back and forth to work in San Rafael. I have always liked books and movies about World War II, but this book takes it from an atypical angle. It follows the story of two women living in German-occupied France. Older sister Vianne and younger sister Isabelle take very different paths through the war, but ultimately share the same struggle to survive what some people called “the woman’s war.” TriStar Pictures has already optioned the book and will turn it into a movie. So you will want to bring it to the beach this summer, so you can be all set when the movie comes out next year. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“The Last Love Song; a Biography of Joan Didion by Tracy Daugherty

When I was a sophomore in college I became so crazy about a boy that I started stalking him. I’m not proud of it. But it did happen. And it is all Joan Didion’s fault. He was a junior. We were both in Northwestern’s Medill journalism program, and he worked as one of the night editors at the Daily Northwestern.  At night, I would go to the Norris bar, proud a few glasses of cheap Chablis and start calling up to the newspaper from the downstairs phone begging him to come down and play with me. Attractive, right? I know. I know. As an adult I see this is text-book-classic-crazy-girl behavior on how not to get a guy. But I was desperate for him to be the John Gregory Dunner to my Joan Didion. For as long as I can remember, I have loved not only Joan Didion’s books but also wanted her life.  Like her, I wanted to write about politics and other things that really mattered, and have super straight hair that hung about my face in a purposeful yet sexy way.  She had a husband, Joan Gregory, who adored her and they moved in and out of the Hollywood scene at whim, always celebrated and respected for not their acting, but their writing. As a card carrying Didion fan, I leaped at the chance to read this book. However, this book is not for everybody. If you have never read any Joan Didion, don’t start here. This is an in-depth investigation into the life of women who is still around, but who has sadly lost her daughter and her husband in a tragic series of events. Didion has written about her losses beautifully in “The Year of Magical Thinking” and “Blue Nights,” and everyone should read those books first. But this book turns the tables on the author and explores her childhood, her early years as a magazine writer, her marriage, her family and her later years as screenwriter. It laces together all the different public and private strands of her life, and then dives deeper. So for those who are already fans of Didion, this book will be fascinating and very gratifying. Disciples of Didion know who we are and shouldn’t miss this book. As for my John Gregory Dunne? What became of him you might ask? He found international success as a journalist, and we are now facebook friends, which makes me smile. I can talk to him any time I want, and I don’t even have to drink a sip of Chablis to get my courage up. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“Brave Enough” by Cheryl Strayed

About 10 year ago, shortly after I separated from my first husband, I dated a man who told me that my purse was not very “sexy.” He said it looked like a “mom” bag and was not cool to carry to nightclubs when we went out to see live music. I took major offence at this comment because it was a mom bag because I was a mom. The other truth was that I always carry a large purse because I don’t go anywhere without a book in my bag. I am horrified that I might get stuck some place, like a doctor’s office, supermarket line or airport, waiting with nothing to read. So this book, “Brave Enough” by Cheryl Strayed, is the perfect little book that will fit inside any purse. The author is best known for her book “Wild,” a chronicle of her life changing solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail, which was made into a movie starring Reese Witherspoon. “Brave Enough” is collection of all of Strayed’s favorite quotes. The quotes are defiant, original, quirky and insightful. Examples include: “You are obliged to tell the person you’re sleeping with whether or not you are sleeping with them exclusively. There are no exceptions to this rule.” “Ask yourself: What is the best I can do? And then do that.” “Put yourself in the way of beauty.” “Work hard. Do good. Be incredible.” “Trust your gut. Forgive yourself. Be grateful.” And one of Strayed’s favorite quotes of all “Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.” If you are looking for a small book to give as a gift, or just looking for a book to lift your spirits and put all your worries in perspective, then this is the book for you. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“The Diver’s Clothes Lie Empty” by Vendela Vida

Anybody who knows me well knows two things: I want everyone to be romantically paired off and I do not like visiting the sets of my dad’s movies. When I visit him while he is making a movie, he is not my dad but a “movie director” complete with the razor sharp concentration at all times that the job requires. He is so absorbed by the process, that he once mistook me for a member of craft service and asked me if white fish was being served for lunch. So I visit each movie set ever so briefly, not dressed like a lunch lady, and I have done this 18 times. But don’t get me wrong: I am fascinated by the movie making business, love my dad and I often think it would be fun to visit the movie set of another famous director, one not named dad. This book gave me the opportunity to do just that. “The Diver’s Clothes Lie Empty” is a literary thriller written by Vendela Vida, who also wrote another terrific book called “Let the Northern Lights Erase Your Name.” I like to know who people are dating, and she is married to writer Dave Eggers, so that is cool, too. In this book, Vida weaves the tale of a woman who travels to Casablanca, Morocco, gets robbed of her passport and all identification and winds up a stand-in on a movie set for a famous actress. The main character’s time spent with the film crew and the famous movie star is fascinating. If I lost my ID in a foreign country I would be throwing a diva-worthy hissy fit. But this woman seems perfectly content to leave her old life behind and try on a new one just to see how it fits over her skin. The theme of having your own identity or having the freedom to choose a new identity is an interesting one, and a theme well handled by Vida, who writes beautifully.  To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“A Common Struggle: A Personal Journey Through the Past and Future of Mental Illness and Addiction” by Patrick J. Kennedy.

On November 22, 1963, my mother was eight months pregnant with me when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. She cried so hard that my dad had to yell at her to stop. He said, “If you don’t stop crying you are going to lose the baby.” So she pulled it together and stopped crying. Perhaps the timing of my birth attributes to the fact that I will read pretty much anything written by or about a member of the Kennedy family. I recently read “A Common Struggle,” about Patrick J. Kennedy’s battle with bi-polar disorder and addiction. This book was a fascinating read because it not only told his personal story, but also explored the stigma that continues to surround mental illness. He freely admits that his parents’ (Joan and Ted) personal challenges contributed to the national problem. For example, often when members of his family sought help for their drug, alcohol or psychiatric problems, they paid in cash rather than use their insurance in order to hide it from the public. A former Congressman, Patrick has now dedicated his life to advocating ways to remove the shame and embarrassment that too often shrouds mental illness and addiction. By the end of the book, Patrick gets his life back on track. He falls in love (my favorite part), finds the treatment he needs and embarks on a whole new career all his own, outside of his family’s shadow.  To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“The Light of the World: A Memoir” by Elizabeth Alexander

It has been a year now since Sheryl Sandberg’s husband, David Goldberg, died of heart-related issues at the age of 47 on a treadmill while on vacation in Mexico. When I found out about his death I could not make sense of it. I looked at dozens of pictures online of Sheryl, of David, their children and their wedding pictures. Why would this happen? How could this happen? And how would things ever be better for her again? In May of this year, Sandberg gave the commencement address Cal Berkeley and spoke about her husband’s death. “When life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void – or in the face of the challenge – you can choose joy and meaning.” Excellent advice for anything that seems impossible to bear. Shortly after David’s death, I got a notice from my library that a book I had ordered a month earlier was available. It was this book: The Light of the World,” a memoir by Elizabeth Alexander who, coincidentally, found her own husband dead on a treadmill in 2012. Her book was published in early April 2015; reviewed in “The New York Times” on April 21, 2015; and Sandberg’s David died on May 1, 2015. The timing seemed uncanny to me, but I did what I always do when I am overwhelmed and confused: I sat down and read. Alexander is a well-respected poet and her memoir is a love letter to her late husband, Ficre Ghebreyesus. He died of a heart attack while exercising on that treadmill four days after his 50th birthday, leaving her to raise two little boys alone. She writes beautifully of meeting her husband, building a life with him, and then suddenly the darkness that came. At the end of the book, she boldly leaves her home in New Haven and moves to New York City with her boys. You get the feeling that she is going to be okay, but that the grief and loss will forever take up space in her heart. Books have always made sense of the world for me, and this book is exemplary. You are not left with the question “why did this happen?” but rather the answer “she was really lucky to have known and loved him.” And p.s.: Thank you Kimberly Jones for encouraging me to write about this book, too. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

:On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft” by Stephen King

Recently my mom was out of town and I was helping my dad pack for a press trip to promote his latest movie. He was packing a Hartman Classic Herringbone suitcase so large I can only imagine it was what people used to check to set sail on the QE2. Talk about overboard, he not only had one leather toiletry kit but a second one filled with large bottles of shampoo and mouthwash. “They make these in travel sizes now, you know?” I said. (Jeff and I only travel with carry-on luggage. Always.) But my dad was not deterred and continued pitching things into the giant suitcase. As I started to help organize the cargo, I saw a book: “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft” by Stephen King. I don’t like scary books so I have only ever read one of King’s books, and this was it. This book is life changing. I know that is an odd word to use to describe a slender book about writing, but I think it is the appropriate word. Published in 2000, this was the first book King wrote after a Dodge Caravan hit him while he was walking along Maine State Route 5 near his summer home in 1999. After the near-fatal accident, King found himself unable to write. How unusual that such a prolific writer had to start at the beginning and teach himself to write again, and thankfully he felt compelled to share this re-learning process with others. He uses his past experiences (such as his alcohol and cocaine use) to teach himself to not only write again but also live again. As I zipped up my dad’s suitcase, I told him I highly approved of the King book he was packing. And then my dad said, “Wait, one more thing for the suitcase.” He tossed in a large bear claw back scratcher suitable for basketball player Draymond Green. “Do you really need this?” He nodded affirmatively, “You never know when you might need a big back scratcher on a press tour.” So whether you pack a big suitcase or swear by carry on, consider packing Stephen King’s “On Writing,” and travel with the author down a wonderful road back to life. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“Me Before You” By Jojo Moyes

I have a 21-year-old daughter named Lily who uses a wheelchair. So any book that has a main character in a wheelchair is one more book that I think the universe badly needs. I remember the first day she got her manual wheelchair. She was about to start pre-school. I was feeling a little scared for her and a little scared for me that the time had finally come to retire her stroller and get a wheelchair, a real wheelchair. My friend Sally, the wisest woman I know, took me to lunch and told it to me straight, “You are going to hate the wheelchair right now but eventually you are going to love it because it will give her independence. Real independence.” And Sally was absolutely right. I grew to love that manual wheelchair and when it was time to get her a power wheelchair I soon fell head over heels in love with that hunky, 350 lb. piece of metal, too, because it gave Lily the power to fly on her own. I read “Me Before You” when it was first published several years ago, but I’m recommending it now because it will be released as a movie next month. It is the story of Will Traynor, a wealthy and over-achieving young man who is wheelchair bound following an accident. When the under-achieving Louisa Clark is hired as one of his caregivers, they form a bond that changes both of their lives forever. The transformative power of mutual love is certainly not new territory as far as romantic novels go. However, the fact that Will is in a wheelchair, and Louisa is one of the more rough-and-tumble, loveable literary leads to come along in awhile, makes this book super charming, and definitely one to read before you see the movie. I more recently read the book “After You,” which is the sequel to this book, and it was excellent, too. These books seem like fast simple reads on the surface, but there’s nothing simple about being in a wheelchair or taking care of someone in a wheelchair. So that is what sets these books apart from the pack in a very special way. I love you Lily and am so proud of your independence! To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes That Saved My Life” By Ruth Reichl

I will cop to one major flaw in my first marriage: I didn’t cook enough. By the time we finished work, got the girls back and forth to school, and then round trip to physical therapy, we were all exhausted. I would shop at Trader Joe’s and looks for things to warm quickly. The microwave was my sous-chef. Enchiladas, quiches and individually-sized lasagnas were the things that warmed well, looked spiffy with a spinach salad and pleased my little girls. And to be honest, rather than dinner, The Husband was much more interested in his Ketel One martini, than food. And I was perfectly happy to slip a bendy straw into a buttery bottle of Edna Valley Chardonnay and call it a day. So flash forward to today: Finally at the age of 52, I do have time and energy to cook, and I do cook. Lily even refers to my eggplant moussaka as one of my “signature dishes,” which makes me smile. One of the things I love to do is read cookbooks. My friend Jay Elliott turned me on to the author Ruth Reichl many years ago. Ruth writes about food as it relates to memoir, and the two pair so well together. “My Kitchen Year” is the story about the year that she was the editor of “Gourmet Magazine” when it suddenly folded. Struggling with her own grief over the loss of her job and the magazine, and the sadness of readers who missed it too, Ruth found the road back to happiness by cooking, one dish at a time. The pictures in this book are beautiful. Ruth’s words and tweets are always whimsical and spirited. And the recipes are ones that a chef, old or new, can easily follow and celebrate with friends and family.  Whether it be a hearty steak sandwich, fancy nectarine galette or simple pasta dish, Ruth’s descriptions make you want to put down whatever you are doing, step into the kitchen and just cook, simply cook, without fear or judgment.  To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi

I had a friend who lived to be 90 years old. She had a husband, children and career that brought her great joy. She had the whole enchilada. One day, a few months before she died, I asked her what her favorite age was. Without hesitating, she said “Fifty years old.” When I asked her why, she said it was an age when her children were grown and she and her husband lived alone, with plenty of time and money. I felt grateful to hear this, because as I entered my 50s I felt the same way. I felt finally happy and more at ease. “When Breath Becomes Air” is the story of a man who didn’t make it to the age of 50. It is the autobiography of Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon, who on the verge of completing his training was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer at 36 years old. Life is not fair. Kalanithi should have lived and loved to 50 years old and beyond. But this is what we get, so we have to make the best of it, in order to make sense of the sadness and disappointment. My friend Page Victor recommended this book to me before it hit the “New York Times” best-seller list. Now it has found a cozy home on that list for the last 15 weeks. I think everyone should read this book. However, if you aren’t going to read this book, you should at least know what it is about, and why people across the country are reading it. At some point each one of us is going to have to deal with our own mortality. Kalanithi’s book is insightful and uplifting, rather than depressing and sad. It shows what is it like for a doctor to become a patient, for a man to become a father, and for a husband to say goodbye to his wife and parents. Kalanith made his wife, Lucy, promise she would publish this book after his death, and she kept her promise. We should all make space on our library shelves for his moving, and beautifully written story. I’m not obsessed about death. I’m just trying to find out more about it. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“Belzhar” by Meg Wolitzer

I have not known many people who have died. One who stands out is my friend Gordon who lived on my floor in Willard Hall at Northwestern freshman year. He was my buddy who always looked out for me and made me laugh. When a boy did not invite me to a formal as I had hoped, Gordon slipped a note under my door that said simply, “I love you.” He did not love me that way. He loved my friend Gerda, that way. But still the fact that he wrote me a note when I needed to read it most has always stuck with me, and I still have that note among my important papers. Gordon died of Hodgkin’s disease before he turned 30. His death still haunts me, and I sometimes dream about him. Grief and loss are difficult, and I’m about to dive deeper. I just accepted a job as the coordinator for Camp Erin, a bereavement camp for children ages 6-17 years old. It is a summer camp for children who have recently lost a loved one. I did not choose this job, it seems as if this job choose me. And, oddly enough, I recently read Belzhar, a book about a therapeutic boarding school for teens dealing with grief and loss. Written by Meg Wolitzer, this book represents young adult fiction at its best. I read a lot of YA fiction, which leads me to believe that there is still a part of my heart stuck at the age of 16 years old. This lovely work of fiction tells the story of Jam Gallahue as she tries to find meaning in her own life after the death of her beloved first boyfriend Reeve. Last year, Amber Dermont wrote in The New York Times, “Belzhar is about friendship and recovery; Wolitzer is always, most observant when writing about intense devotion among close-knit groups of kindred souls.” Connecting with other teens that have been through similar loses ultimately gives Jam the strength to examine her grief and begin to heal. Whether you have experienced a great deal of loss, or are just preparing for loses later on, I think this book is an excellent read.   To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

“Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class on The Art of Organizing and Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo

I am not a Manolo Blahnik kind of girl. I like to drool over Elfa Closet Systems. I don’t want to spend $1000 on a Fendi purse. I would rather pay California Closets $1000 to build shelves to display my Forever 21 handbags that run $24.99 a piece. I like order, not opulence. That’s the way I roll. So you can imagine how I came untethered in 2007 when at the age of 43 years old I filed for divorce from my husband. I felt like an overstuffed closet about to burst at the seams. I loved my children. I love my husband. And I loved my house, which many said was the prettiest house in Sea Cliff. However, I knew the divorce was not only necessary and right, but also inevitable and true. But then why did I feel so sick about it?  I wanted to climb on top of one of the beautiful green granite counter tops in my kitchen and cry my eyes out for a week. But that seemed unproductive. So I decided instead to clean my drawers. I started with the kitchen and moved right onto every room in the house while my girls were at school and my husband was at work. We eventually sold that tidy house, got divorced and moved on with the rest of our lives. Flash forward to last year: I read with anticipation Marie Kondo’s first book  “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” I loved this book from beginning to end like a long slow walk through The Container Store. So when Kondo’s second book came out this year, I ran to read it, too.  “Spark Joy” is as good as the first book because it not only charts new territory (kitchen utensils and photography) but also builds upon the basic rules set forth in the first book. If you didn’t like the first book, then don’t even bother reading this book because it will irritate you. But if you loved the first book then you will like the second book even more because it will take you further down the road of decluttering. When I got divorced I had a hauler named Mr. Christensen back up his truck to my garage. I then pitched box after box into his flat-bed and watched happily as he drove it all away.. Hanging on to things that don’t bring you joy is a waste of energy and time. Make room for the things that make you happy and dump the garbage no matter how much you paid for it at Neiman Marcus. Next time you are in my neighborhood, come and see my bra drawer. It is spectacular thanks to Kondo. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

Wildflower by Drew Barrymore

I was raised in Hollywood, so I can say from experience that it is a crazy place to grow up. In my elementary school, moms drove carpools in their 2-seater Mercedes SLK roadsters, movie stars frequented our school bake sales and many dads worked in television, as my daddy did on the lot of Paramount Studios. Holidays in Hollywood were far from traditional, too. For example, my earliest memory of trick or treating was this: At the age of 8 years old, dressed as a witch, I walked across the street from my home on Arcola avenue to Bob Hope’s house because I was certain he would have the best candy on the block. I rang the doorbell and waited for my treat. A butler opened the door and handed me an autographed 8X10 glossy headshot of Bob Hope. I slumped down in my witch costume in disappointment. Then, I shoved the picture into my plastic pumpkin and hit the road. I knew at that moment that if I was growing up in Iowa I would be flush with mini chocolate bars. I was suspicious of Hollywood from then on. So I read Drew Barrymore’s book “Wildflower” with great interest and empathy. She could have easily ended up crashing and burning early, but she turned into a really nice and famous successful human being. Despite her loosey-goosey parents, rise to early childhood fame in “E.T.” and not one but two stints in rehab, she is now a successful working actress, producer and entrepreneur. Plus, at the end of the book she has two great little girls named Olive and Frankie, and a super cute husband named Will. This book was everything I look for in a good, page-turning Hollywood autobiography. I went to bed last Friday night excited to write this review and tell all my friends what a neat person Drew Barrymore is. Then, I woke up Saturday morning and went to People.com (my usual spot for breaking news) and there it was: “Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman Will Divorce, Sources Confirm.”  (AHHHHHG!!!)  What went wrong? They have only been married for three years! This will be her third divorce! I was outraged. Can’t anyone other than my parents stay married in Hollywood? I stomped around the house feeling sad, mad and disappointed. I am a true romantic. I hate it when people break up, especially famous people who look so cute together. I read everything I could on line and tried to piece why their marriage had failed. I found no easy answers, but at the end of the day, I decided to recommend this book anyway. It is a great read, and a delightful listen on audiobook. Drew Barrymore is still a survivor despite her weird Hollywood upbringing. She is still smart, talented and cool. Her book should be read, except for the parts where she says she is in love with her husband, Will. I suggest you take a black Sharpie and just cross those parts out entirely.  Divorce is sad no matter when it happens, but life goes on. And so should Drew. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.

My Name is Lucy Barton by Elizabeth Strout

When I was just 26 weeks pregnant with my twins, I went into labor on an airplane flying home from Chicago. When the plane landed, I went home, called my doctor and ate a small ramekin of pretzels on my bed. I said calmly to my then husband, with only a tinge of worry, “We should get to the hospital.” Once at the hospital I was placed on immediate bed rest and given drugs to stop my contractions. From my hospital bed, I looked out at my babies’ father and said, “Get my mother.” He said,  “I called, and she said she would come up in two or three days.” I snapped back in fear,  “Get her right now!” And that very day, my mother flew up from Los Angeles with her needlepoint and a stack of magazines tucked in her Pierre Deux fabric tote. She then sat at the end of my hospital bed and read “Vanity Fair” magazine out loud to me. She stayed until my water broke, suddenly, 10 days later.  The rest of this story is my own, but smacks sweetly of Elizabeth Strout’s new book “My Name is Lucy Barton.” The author of “Olive Kitteridge” and “The Burgess Boys” has written a slight book filled with deep grooves and complicated characters. Only one person can ease the struggle of Lucy’s nine-week hospital stay. “It was the sound of my mother’s voice I most wanted; what she said didn’t matter.” The book is a fast read that explores the slow mother-daughter relationship, and also the necessity for distance, separation and independence. The plot of “Lucy Barton” is so simply drawn yet also covers a gigantic ball of twisted rubber bands well worth the reader’s time to untangle. I’m desperately trying to read more fiction, and this book was a good start. To purchase this book on Amazon click here.